My Testimony

I am ashamed to say that I always thought Christian's were desperate and lonely individuals who used religion as a crutch. I was however in awe of those few Christians that I had met that seemed to have an absolute faith in God. When I was about 15 I was invited on a night hike by a girl called Judith I had befriended through the St John Ambulance cadets. On the walk I met some of her Christian friends and was intreagued to know how one became a Christian and got the faith that they seemed to have. I was told I just had to open the door in my heart and invite Christ to come in. Later that night back at home I prayed to God and asked him to come into my life. Nothing seemed to happen, I think I was expecting something dramatic to occur. When it didn't, I dismissed the issue and gave it no further thought.

I went through University and early adulthood living my life as I wished and with no thought or fear of God. As a young mother I made friend's with a lovely Christian girl (now my best friend George) and observed the way she behaved and acted towards other people. She never pushed her faith in my face but often invited me along to her church. I went a couple of times but found it all a bit strange and uncomfortable. I was used to a traditional church environment with mass and a few dull hymns. At her church the people were singing and dancing, worshiping and praising God with their arms in the air. People also spoke in tongues. I mistakenly believed they were pretending that they were speaking a foreign language when it seemed clear to me that they were just talking gobbledegook.

However, in 2006 I agreed to attend an alpha course that the church (CCK in Brighton) were running. I fully intended to go along and enjoy a good debate and was expecting to pull apart any argument that they presented to me. The course was held in my local pub and included a free meal and then table discussions.

As it happened I missed the first evening of the course as I suffered a miscarriage at eleven weeks pregnant. The miscarriage was a devastating blow as my husband and I had been trying for our second child for several years and had been about to embark on fertility treatment when we had discovered I was pregnant. Looking back now I believe that God was letting me know that it was possible for me to fall pregant naturally but that then wasn't the right time. Had the pregnancy continued I don't believe I would have stuck with the Alpha course and would never have made a commitment to Christ.

The following week I did make it along to the course and the first thing I noticed was that the people on my table were remarkably normal, not the sad, weird individuals that I had expected.

The teaching that evening was about the evidence for the bible and how many copies of the bible have been discovered and how even non christian historian's of the time support the existence of Christ. I was quite shocked as I had always assumed that it was all just a nice story and that there was no factual truth to the bible or Jesus' existence.

As the course continued we looked at who Christ was and whether he was what he claimed to be, i.e. the son of God. I suddenly realised that if Christ really existed (for which the evidence is overwhelming strong) then there were really only three options. Either he was good and was exactly what he claimed to be. He was Bad and was making it all up or he was mad and genuinely believed what he was saying but it wasn't really true.

When you look at it, 'the good' answer is the only logical response.

If he was really a bad man, nothing else about his behaviour, life and teachings makes sense and why would he allow himself to be killed for something he knew was not true.

I don't believe he was mad because his teachings are so wise and insightful and I find it hard to believe he would have attracted the following he did if he had been completely insane.

The other thing that swung the argument for me was the resurrection and the empty tomb. Again I had never before realised that the bible meant a bodily resurrection. I thought it was just a ghost seen by the disciples. When I learned that Jesus appeared to over 2000 people I was astounded.

Again the empty tomb story does not make sense unless the resurrection is true. Either the authorities took the body in which case they would have produced it to prove that the resurrection was not true or if the disciples had taken the body why would they have had such a complete mood change from abject despair to joy. Why would they have allowed themselves to be tortured and killed for something they again knew to be untrue?

I found myself fascinated to have this evidence and these truths revealed to me and could not believe that no-one had ever explained it all to me before.

It is a sad shame, but no-one in this country really discusses religion and certainly you just don't go around declaring your faith in God or telling people that you love Jesus.

However, thanks to that Alpha course, I had a complete epiphany and it was a life changing experience for me. I started attending the church, at first in gratitude but not expecting to become a member. I still, at that time, wondered why anyone would want to go to church every week and for a two hour service at that!

However, there is a fantastic leadership team at CCK and in particular a brilliant preacher called Joel Virgo who is incredibly funny and down to earth. I soon found myself really enjoying the worship and gripped by his sermons. It wasn't long before I was even looking forward to going to church.

I then joined a small group with my husband, read numerous books and even started doing a distance learning course to learn more about the Christian faith and the bible.

That was nearly six years ago. I still feel I am still at the start of my Christian journey. Yes I believe in God and am assured of my salvation but I am still a sinner and fall short of God's perfect standard. I still struggle with weaknesses of character and know I don't pray as often as I should or read my bible enough. I know that I have still not managed to place Christ at the centre of my life but I also know that I don't need to earn God's love or my place in heaven as it has been given to me by God as a gift and as a result of his Amazing Grace.

I know I am completely undeserving but I am so thankful for God's Grace.

I do want to become more Christlike in my behaviour, words and thoughts and hope that my spiritual journey will enable me to continue to grow and develop my faith and understanding of God.

I still find it hard to share my testimony publicly with others or to talk to them about my faith. It is hard to overcome years of ingrained culture. However, I have come so far from where I started and each step takes me forward on my journey.

I have decided to start this blog merely so that I have a record of that journey. Hopefully one day I can look back and see the path that this journey has led me on.

I am not sure where this blog will take me or where God will lead me, but I am pretty certain that the journey will be very exciting.