Blindfold Prophecy

A few weeks ago at my Women of Worth group we had a wonderful Holy Spirit evening led by the wonderful Claire Coggan.

Claire explained to us about blindfolded prophecy which is a great way of developing the gift of the prophetic.

It involves one brave individual being blindfolded and spun around and then everyone else in the room switches places until one person is stood behind the blindfolded individual.

The one with the blindfold on silently prays and asks God to show them a picture or to give them a word for the person who is standing behind them (who they can't see).

If they get a picture then they again silently pray and ask God what it is that he is saying through the picture.

It was very exciting and it was great seeing other people being given a prophetic word that was specifically related to their circumstances.

I was enjoying watching others having a go and was persuaded to try it myself but was terribly nervous in case I just didn't get a picture or did not know how to interpret it.

I put the blindfold on anyway and decided to trust in God to do the rest.  After all when else would I be in such a safe environment to try out the gift of prophecy.

I didn't have a clue who was behind me and initially had a flash of an acorn quickly replaced by an oak tree.  I waited a while, half expecting something more exciting to come into my mind but it didn't.

Claire encouraged me to just share what I could see so I explained about the acorn and then the oak tree and as I started to talk I suddenly felt that God was giving me a particular word for whoever was behind me. 

It was a little awkward to share it at first as I wasn't sure whether it would have any relevance at all for the person in question and I felt a huge weight of responsibility not to give them a 'duff' word but I determined to just carry on and give my interpretation and explanation of the picture. 

When the blindfold was taken off and I saw the girl who was stood behind me I instantly knew that the word had been spot on.  The bonus of the blindfold was that it makes the wearer completely trust and rely on God to speak to them and you don't feel you have just made it all up yourself.

It was lovely to receive a card from my lovely friend a few days later thanking me for the word I had shared and giving me encouragement.

God works in very mysterious ways and it is great to be able to have fun while stretching ourselves and stepping out in faith.

Living in Faith

At my Thursday night womens group we were studying the story of Moses' mother Jochebed and discussing the remarkable faith in God that she demonstrated in firstly hiding her baby boy rather than drowning him as the king had decreed.  After keeping him hidden in secret for three months Jochabed then laid her beloved baby in a basket and placed him in the river, effectively relinquishing all control and entrusting Moses entirely to God's care.

It was a really encouraging story for me personally as it has been a rather challenging week after being told on Monday that my job is being made redundant. 

I am confident that God has a plan for me and that he will ensure my family is provided for but it is difficult not to succumb to natural human emotions of fear, anxiety and worry particularly when it comes to thinking about how we will pay the mortgage if I can't find another job and in particular worrying about having the wisdom to know what jobs to apply for, whether to try and remain part time so i can be there for the boys or whether to consider full time work just to keep a job and a salary.

I have been exhausted with thinking about all the different options and scenarios and have not been sleeping for several nights as my brain just won't sit down.

In addition I am trying really hard to remain upbeat and positive at work and to not to get embroiled in the feelings of bitterness and anger that some of my colleagues are feeling.  It is very difficult to ensure my conduct at work is righteous when at the same time I am concerned about how some of my colleagues are being treated and knowing that in some cases the organisation is not treating people as well or as humanely as they could if they chose to. 

I have applied for a couple of other roles outside of my organisation just to feel I am doing something pro-active but nothing that has really been a viable option or for which I am actually qualified.  Even those roles I have applied for have taken me between 5 and 6 hours per application to complete.  I am concerned that while I am looking for and applying for jobs I am neglecting my youngest son and as a result he inevitably ends up making fun for himself that naturally ends in trouble for me.  Crayon on the wall, soap and water all over the floor etc. etc.

Anyway, I know that I now have many friends praying for me and as I am getting beyond my own ability to work out a solution I really have no option than to turn to God for help.

It is always very easy to tell other people to 'just trust in God, keep praying and having the faith to know God will work all things for good' but I have fortunately never before been in the situation where I am the one having to live by that faith. I bumped into a girl at church today who want through a very tough time last year.  At the time I kept encouraging her to rest in God's peace and not to be anxious about what the future held.  She was facing a similar situation with respect to work and had a few doors closed before the perfect role arose.  She is now extremely happy in a brilliant job and that is such an encouraging testimony for me to remember now.  I guess it is very good practice for me to relinquish control and place my life in God's hands and this will no doubt be a period of spiritual stretching and growth for me.

When she placed little Moses in the Nile River Jochebed  did not know that he would one day grow up to be one of God's greatest leaders, chosen to rescue the Hebrew people from slavery in Egypt. By letting go and trusting God, an even greater plan was fulfilled.  We may not always see or understand how God is working in any given situation but if we can only allow ourselves to let go and place our situation in his hands we can trust that God's plan will be even better than anything we could have imagined.

Watch this space as I hope one day to be able to share my testimony of how God has used me and this opportunity in my life.  I don't know how quickly God's plan will be revealed to me or where God will take me on this journey but I am determined to enjoy and get the most out of the ride!!

A Servant Heart

What do you consider to be your greatest role or priority as a wife?

How do you think that your ideas compare with the purposes which God had planned for you?

I think my ideas and priorities as a wife are probably generally way off the mark and if I am completely honest are more contrary to God's intended design than I would like to admit.

I grew up within an extended family where all the women tend to 'wear the trousers'.  They are bold confident women who run their homes efficiently but whom speak their minds freely and frequently nag and openly chastise or criticise their husbands.

It is quite a challenging concept for me to read the bible and to contemplate God's perfect design for women and for marriage.

"It is not good for the man to be alone; I will make a helper suitable for him" (Genesis 2:18)

also

"For man did not come from woman, but woman from man; neither was man created for woman, but woman for man" (1 Corinthians 11:9)

God therefore created woman not simply to be a companion - not even (as I or many women might be tempted to believe) to be 'his better half' but our key function and purpose is to be a helper to our husband.

mmmmm.  I wonder how much of a helper my husband would truly consider me to be?

I am very good at bossing my husband around and telling him where he falls short.  I am good at writing him long to do lists and insisting he completes the things I need him to do before he spends his time doing whatever he has in mind.  I nag him continually over little things that annoy me - for example "David we have been married nearly eleven years, you know it annoys me when you leave your music stand out.  Could you not just put it away when you have finished playing your cornet?  How many more years will we be married before you put my desires first and learn to tidy away after yourself?"

What might God's response be to me I wonder?

possibly  . . .  "When are you going to learn to stop making an issue of it??"

I have a wonderful husband whom I love very dearly but I suspect he probably doesn't realise anywhere near the extent of my love and admiration for him because i find it much easier to nag and criticise than to express love, gratitude or admiration.

I fear my approach has probably been completely wrong in that I have spent many years trying to change and improve my husband, to train him to be the husband I expect him to be.  Not sure I have given quite so much focus or attention to worrying about how I can be the wife that God expects me to be.

I do sometimes seek my husband's opinion but if he gives me an answer I dont like or says no to me I put all my efforts into explaining to him why he is wrong or mistaken or into persuading him to change his mind.

I can tend to be too controlling and don't often allow him to lead or to make decisions on behalf of our family.  I nag him to take more leadership but don't afford him the opportunity or support to do so.

God's intention for me as a wife is to help, support, comfort and bring joy to my husband.  I am to do this by willingly submitting to his leadership, by enquiring how I might be of help to him, by respecting and honoring him even when I may not agree with him, by thinking about and finding ways in which I might bless him, to ease his sorrows and anxieties and to aid him in all he has to achieve.

Submitting to and serving my husband does not come easily or naturally to me but that is no excuse for me to give up trying.

I need a change of heart attitude and God to work on my heart to help me be more willing to serve and to look for opportunities to love, honour and help my husband.

When I serve my husband I am serving God.

I expect I may fall short many times and fail miserably on many occasions but i am on a journey and little baby steps now will hopefully lead to big strides forward in the future. 

One day I hope I might be able to re-evaluate my life and know that I always put my husband and his needs first and above my own.

Choices

 

 

Every day I have the chance

to make a simple choice

but by the time that night falls

will I sadly sigh or yet rejoice?

 

Shall I set my alarm clock

to wake an hour earlier say?

. . . I am quite tired and sleepy

I could pray another day?

 

But I want to make the right choice

and spend my time with you

I could do a million other things

but none would my heart subdue

 

If I want to grow in my relationship

then time I have to spend

I have to invest regular quality time

with you my Lord and friend

 

I know that you delight in me

when I choose right and choose you first

so help me always make the right choice

and afer you, not sleep, to thirst

 

So let me turn the TV off

and go early to my bed

Don't let me find more chores to do

Let me choose sleep instead

 

And when I stumble out of bed

and struggle to know how to pray

Help keep my mind focussed on you

Let my thoughts not wander or stray

 

Teach me to dwell in your presence Lord

To seek you first and foremost each day

and one day let the choice become habit

and less difficult a decision I pray!



Rooted in Christ

 

 

 

Thank you Lord that you love me,

that you never give up on me,

that you delight in me

in spite of myself

 

Help me make you my number one priority

let me yearn to spend time in your presence

I long to be a woman with my roots sunk deep.

Nourish me with knowledge and understanding

 

Feed me with your word

Guide and teach me always

Remind me to bring my every decision to you

Guide my every word, thought and action

 

Teach me to hear your promptings

Soften my heart and stop me being self-willed

Help me strive instead, to see your will done

in every circumstance and situation

 

Help me store your words in my memory

so I can recall them in times of need

Let me never be worried or anxious

may I rest easy and be comforted by you

 

For you have only plans to prosper not to harm me

Let me never forget this simple truth.

Help me to be a shining light

to bring glory to your name

 

May I always be woman after your heart

prevent me from faltering and catch me when I stumble

Let me keep my eyes focussed on you

and let my life be rooted in Christ.



Prayer for Healing

Nathaniel is three tomorrow and so we were having his third birthday party this weekend. 

We were all really exicited as my brother and his wife and three children were all travelling down from Sheffield to attend the party.  However the day before they were due to arrive we received a phonecall to say that my brother's six year old daughter and his wife were both ill with a sickness bug and they didn't expect they would be able to make it.

We were all incredibly disappointed as we haven't seen them for over 18 months as they had been to live in Australia for over a year and this was the first time we were due to get together since they moved back to the UK.

Anyway as it happens they were all feeling fine and they travelled down on the Saturday and arrived just after 5pm.  The kids all played together and we had dinner as a family at my parents house.

Then in the middle of the night at about 3.30pm Nathaniel awoke screaming.  I ran into his bedroom and he was a little delirious with a high temperature.  He told me he felt sick and I could hear and feel his stomach rumbling and churning the way it does when you have a tummy bug.

I gave him some calpol and some water to drink, fetched a bowl in case he was sick and laid him back down in bed and stroked his forehead.

I was really worried he would be too sick to even make it to his own party the next day and was really upset for him because he has been so excited about having his pirate party and his pirate cake and he had been counting down the sleeps and talking about his friends and cousins who were all going to be there.

Anyway, feeling a little desperate I decided to pray for healing - but not really expecting it would do any good.  First of all I prayed out loud in a very simple prayer so that Nathaniel would understand what I was asking God for.

I then continued to pray quietly as Nat closed his eyes.  I was asking God to heal Nathaniel and take away and bugs and germs inside his tummy.  I then thought about the bible story where Jesus healed a man from demons and they came out of the man whom they had possessed and entered a herd of swine which then all ran off a cliff.

I then started to worry about where I could ask God to put the germs - i didn't really want them myself and there wasn't anyone else present!!  I was struglling with myself because  I was praying for God to get the germs out of Nat but where was there for the germs to go and perhaps it was different when it was the demons because Jesus could just order them to come out.  What if that approach doesn't work for germs?? 

Yes unfortunately this is how my mind sometimes works when I pray - I tend to overthink it. 

So I stopped and chastised myself for my unbelief. 

For goodness sake if God can simply speak the world into existence and if Jesus can raise the dead to life and God can heal people from illnesses such as cancer then he can certainly heal a sick child from a tummy bug and I don't actually even have to understand how he does it or how it works!!

I then recalled a book I have read recently called 'Chasing the Dragon' by Jackie Pullinger and about how she would pray in tongues over drug addicts and they would be healed from their addiction without suffering Cold Turkey.  Those same drug addicts would then share the gospel with other heroin addicts and would pray in tongues for them too to be healed.  These were new 'baby' Christians sometimes only a few hours old in their relationship with Christ.

I decided if praying in tongues worked for them, it could work for me too - after all it is the same holy spirit we are accessing.

As Nat lay there burning up I prayed for God's holy spirit to fill me and quietly prayed in tongues. Although I was praying out loud in a spiritual language that was not English, in my head I was praying that Nat's temperature would drop and that his tummy would settle and that he would be well enough to attend and enjoy his party the next day.  After a few minutes I suddenly realised Nat's forehead no longer felt hot and he seemed calm and settled in his bed so I left him to sleep.

The following morning he awoke bright and cheerful and excited about his party.  A little pale but with no hint of a temperature and no sickness.

Nat had a great party and enjoyed spending time with his cousins and friends.  Thank you God!!

Pirate Nat and his brother Captain Seb

I still can't quite believe it.  Makes me wonder what I could really achieve in prayer if I could only suspend my unbelief and pray more often in faith that God will listen and act!

10,000 Reasons

I am really excited with a new albumn I have just purchased.

It is Matt Redman's 10,000 reasons which has one of my favourite songs on it - 'Bless the Lord oh my soul'.  That particular song was the reason I bought the albumn but have listened to it twice today and I love all the other songs too.

I really enjoy playing Christian music in my car especially on the way to work and at home while I am cooking dinner.  It always puts in in a really good mood and a really good place to worship God

My two other favourite albumns at the moment are Stuart Townend's 'The Journey'

and Lou Fellingham's 'Treasure'.

Women of Worth

 

 

So a few weeks ago I decided it would be nice to get a few female Christian friends together for a bit of fellowship. I have been missing small group since our intergenerational group broke up (when the church went multi-site). Plus my husband David has recently been invited to join a small mens group (Band of Brothers or BOB). They meet weekly on a Thursday evening so it seemed like an ideal time to have some girls over to our house. I am stuck at home with the boys so can’t go anywhere else.

 

Initially I didn’t really think beyond inviting some women to join me. I guess i imagined there would hopefully be at least 6 to 8 of us to meet up together.  However, it wasn’t long before I had 17 other ladies who were potentially interested and myself making 18! Crumbs I don't even own that many chairs or mugs!

 

 

 

However, I arranged the first meeting and then suddenly realised that what I have actually done is take on leadership of a small group. When I embarked upon this idea I really hadn’t taken that into account.

 

Inviting people and hospitality was the easy bit but for a fairly ‘baby’ Christian among a group of very mature Christians it was not going to be a walk in the park.

 

Groups need organising and leading and someone to lead prayer and teaching and worship all of which feel completely beyond my capabilities. Time to turn to prayer!!

 

Anyway we met at the end of January for the first time and I shared my vision for the group. I very much feel that God has been telling me to step up and step out and that he also has the same message for the other women in the group.

 

I feel that God wants us to be expectant this year and ready to grow and see change and breakthrough in a number of different aspects of our lives.

 

I feel God will use this group to cement close friendships and support networks but also will use each of us to encourage, stretch and build each other up.

 

Claire Coggan who is thankfully supporting me and who I respect very much had a great prophecy for the group. Claire felt that it was God’s heart that we don’t become an inward looking group but that God wants us to be reaching out and being the women he has called us to be. Making a difference in whatever way we can.

 

Claire believes that this will be a season where God will reveal more of our identity and that that will help us to become more courageous. This group will be a way to bring something out of each of us. We can pray and encourage each other, share what is going on in our lives, equip each other etc.

Very exciting start to the year!

 

We met again last week for the second time – unfortunately a number of the group have been unable to make it for the first two meetings but hopefully will be able to get along next time. Those of us that were there last night voted on a group name and Women of Worth was born.

 

Watch this space!

My Testimony

I am ashamed to say that I always thought Christian's were desperate and lonely individuals who used religion as a crutch. I was however in awe of those few Christians that I had met that seemed to have an absolute faith in God. When I was about 15 I was invited on a night hike by a girl called Judith I had befriended through the St John Ambulance cadets. On the walk I met some of her Christian friends and was intreagued to know how one became a Christian and got the faith that they seemed to have. I was told I just had to open the door in my heart and invite Christ to come in. Later that night back at home I prayed to God and asked him to come into my life. Nothing seemed to happen, I think I was expecting something dramatic to occur. When it didn't, I dismissed the issue and gave it no further thought.

I went through University and early adulthood living my life as I wished and with no thought or fear of God. As a young mother I made friend's with a lovely Christian girl (now my best friend George) and observed the way she behaved and acted towards other people. She never pushed her faith in my face but often invited me along to her church. I went a couple of times but found it all a bit strange and uncomfortable. I was used to a traditional church environment with mass and a few dull hymns. At her church the people were singing and dancing, worshiping and praising God with their arms in the air. People also spoke in tongues. I mistakenly believed they were pretending that they were speaking a foreign language when it seemed clear to me that they were just talking gobbledegook.

However, in 2006 I agreed to attend an alpha course that the church (CCK in Brighton) were running. I fully intended to go along and enjoy a good debate and was expecting to pull apart any argument that they presented to me. The course was held in my local pub and included a free meal and then table discussions.

As it happened I missed the first evening of the course as I suffered a miscarriage at eleven weeks pregnant. The miscarriage was a devastating blow as my husband and I had been trying for our second child for several years and had been about to embark on fertility treatment when we had discovered I was pregnant. Looking back now I believe that God was letting me know that it was possible for me to fall pregant naturally but that then wasn't the right time. Had the pregnancy continued I don't believe I would have stuck with the Alpha course and would never have made a commitment to Christ.

The following week I did make it along to the course and the first thing I noticed was that the people on my table were remarkably normal, not the sad, weird individuals that I had expected.

The teaching that evening was about the evidence for the bible and how many copies of the bible have been discovered and how even non christian historian's of the time support the existence of Christ. I was quite shocked as I had always assumed that it was all just a nice story and that there was no factual truth to the bible or Jesus' existence.

As the course continued we looked at who Christ was and whether he was what he claimed to be, i.e. the son of God. I suddenly realised that if Christ really existed (for which the evidence is overwhelming strong) then there were really only three options. Either he was good and was exactly what he claimed to be. He was Bad and was making it all up or he was mad and genuinely believed what he was saying but it wasn't really true.

When you look at it, 'the good' answer is the only logical response.

If he was really a bad man, nothing else about his behaviour, life and teachings makes sense and why would he allow himself to be killed for something he knew was not true.

I don't believe he was mad because his teachings are so wise and insightful and I find it hard to believe he would have attracted the following he did if he had been completely insane.

The other thing that swung the argument for me was the resurrection and the empty tomb. Again I had never before realised that the bible meant a bodily resurrection. I thought it was just a ghost seen by the disciples. When I learned that Jesus appeared to over 2000 people I was astounded.

Again the empty tomb story does not make sense unless the resurrection is true. Either the authorities took the body in which case they would have produced it to prove that the resurrection was not true or if the disciples had taken the body why would they have had such a complete mood change from abject despair to joy. Why would they have allowed themselves to be tortured and killed for something they again knew to be untrue?

I found myself fascinated to have this evidence and these truths revealed to me and could not believe that no-one had ever explained it all to me before.

It is a sad shame, but no-one in this country really discusses religion and certainly you just don't go around declaring your faith in God or telling people that you love Jesus.

However, thanks to that Alpha course, I had a complete epiphany and it was a life changing experience for me. I started attending the church, at first in gratitude but not expecting to become a member. I still, at that time, wondered why anyone would want to go to church every week and for a two hour service at that!

However, there is a fantastic leadership team at CCK and in particular a brilliant preacher called Joel Virgo who is incredibly funny and down to earth. I soon found myself really enjoying the worship and gripped by his sermons. It wasn't long before I was even looking forward to going to church.

I then joined a small group with my husband, read numerous books and even started doing a distance learning course to learn more about the Christian faith and the bible.

That was nearly six years ago. I still feel I am still at the start of my Christian journey. Yes I believe in God and am assured of my salvation but I am still a sinner and fall short of God's perfect standard. I still struggle with weaknesses of character and know I don't pray as often as I should or read my bible enough. I know that I have still not managed to place Christ at the centre of my life but I also know that I don't need to earn God's love or my place in heaven as it has been given to me by God as a gift and as a result of his Amazing Grace.

I know I am completely undeserving but I am so thankful for God's Grace.

I do want to become more Christlike in my behaviour, words and thoughts and hope that my spiritual journey will enable me to continue to grow and develop my faith and understanding of God.

I still find it hard to share my testimony publicly with others or to talk to them about my faith. It is hard to overcome years of ingrained culture. However, I have come so far from where I started and each step takes me forward on my journey.

I have decided to start this blog merely so that I have a record of that journey. Hopefully one day I can look back and see the path that this journey has led me on.

I am not sure where this blog will take me or where God will lead me, but I am pretty certain that the journey will be very exciting.

Welcome to Amazing Grace

I have been blogging for nearly a year now on Lolly Queserasera but have decided to start this second blog to record my spiritual journey.

I became a Christian in 2006 and my faith is a huge part of my life and who I am.

I often feel I have so much to learn and have so far to grow on my spiritual journey yet it is easy to forget how far I have actually come.

I am hoping this blog will serve as a useful place for me to record  my journey but also is a means for me to share my faith with others.

I have called the blog Amazing Grace because I am overwhelmed by God's grace in forgiving me for my past sins but also his willingness to keep forgiving me every time I fall short.